Mutant Pizza

PANEL ONE
Under the tree, Cat messes around on their phone and Dog reads an ebook.
CAT: Saint Patrick’s Day is next week.
DOG: Yippie. I can’t wait for everything to be arbitrarily dyed green.

PANEL TWO
Cat takes a selfie, tongue out and peace sign on prominent display.
CAT: Yeah, why do people do that?

PANEL THREE
Dog has been compelled to stand and turn his body to Cat’s general direction. The back of his ebook reader is branded with the words “Amazing Kindling” complete with a frowny face. Resemblance of this brand to any real life dirtbag corporation is completely purposeful.
DOG: Don’t you see? This is a marketing ploy by Big Green to sell more green things. And maintain passive prejudice against snakes.
CAT (OFF PANEL): That’s nonsense.

PANEL FOUR
Cat looks at their shopping cart, filled with nine-and-a-half items, while browsing an online store adorned with the words “Amazing Dealz,” “51.2% off” and a shamrock.
DOG (OFF PANEL): Oh yeah? How many green things have you ordered online recently?
CAT (OFF PANEL): No more than ten, which is how I know you’re full of it. If this was some capitalistic conspiracy, I, a consummate consumer, would’ve already purchased double that.

PANEL FIVE
A close up of a worried looking Dog.
DOG: You fool! That’s how I know you’re trapped within the digital shamrock!

PANEL SIX
CAT: I’m going to practice my pinching early…with my brand new top of the line pinching robot, Pincho 5000!

Pincho 5000 exclaims “Maximum Pinch!” and chases Dog’s backside with its swanlike pinching arm at the ready. Dog smartly books it out of there.

PANEL SEVEN
Elsewhere…
Leprechauns watch all this unfold from a computer screen in their secret base. A bright yellow plaque has the words “Big Green” and a shamrock on it.
Leprechaun 1: He figured out our entire operation. Should we be worried?
Leprechaun 2: Nah, Pincho will make sure he goes from yapping to yipping in no time.

THE END.