Mutant Pizza

PANEL ONE
Cat plays on her phone, Dog reads, both sitting against the tree.

CAT:
What do you think happens to us when we die?

DOG:
Y-You’re asking me for my thoughts on death? You’ve never cared about my thoughts…on anything.

PANEL TWO
Cat waves their hand toward Dog.

CAT:
If you’re going to make a big deal about it, never mind.

DOG:
No, no, please — I need this!

CAT:
Fine, I’ll allow you to continue.

PANEL THREE
Dog points a finger skyward.

DOG:
I tend to accept the scientific philosophy with a dash of Buddhism sprinkled on.

DOG (CONT):
Contrary to popular belief, Buddhism is really an umbrella term that encompasses the teachings of Buddha in a reformation on Hinduism during the Iron Age of India — about the 6th century BCE.

PANEL FOUR
Two ants, a papa ant and child ant, stand near a gravestone that reads “RIP Dog.”

The papa ant says. “That was me, son.”
“Sure, dad,” the child ant replies.

DOG (CONT):
Buddhists have many different views, especially around what constitutes existence and the physical form, but they pretty much all believe in reincarnation, death and rebirth, called Samsara.

DOG (CONT):
They believe that you’re reborn until your soul can achieve Nirvana, or the extinguishing — it’s not just a popular 90s grunge band — you’ll be caught in this cycle. I believe in something similar but take a more scientific approach.

PANEL FIVE
The Earth sits in space. A ball resembling Cat flies from the planet, saying, “So long, losers!”

DOG (CONT):
Well, as scientific as one can get with such a mysterious and unobservable concept of the afterlife. Our bodies contain multitudes: matter and energy. I believe our matter and energy is imprinted with some unexplainable part of us. After we die, our bodies decompose and return to the Earth. The ants and the worms and such take parts of our physical matter, carrying us with them. Our energies are released out into the sky and a similar phenomena happens, although we’re joined with the energies of everyone who passed on before us.

DOG (CONT):
To conclude this presentation: When we die, we’re no longer an individual — we merge with the planet and, in essence, the universe. Parts of us are then reincarnated in the beating hearts of everyone and everything around us. We live on in others, not just in memory, but in matter and energy. The fact that matter cannot be created or destroyed, only converted from one to the other, and we still don’t quite know how sentient beings appear to be greater than the sum of our parts have lead me to this belief. Thank you.

CAT:
WRONG.

PANEL SIX
Cat stands near the tree, arms crossed and indignant.

DOG:
Wrong?

CAT:
Yes, everything you just said is wrong. What really happens after we die is we take off our full-body VR suits, take a ticket, and have to wait in line for consultation with the Great Computer on how well we did. Then we decide whether we want to play again or not.

PANEL SEVEN
Close up of half of Dog’s face.

DOG:
I’m so confused. You just said everything I said was wrong but it sounds like you believe in reincarnation, too — bundled with some simulation theory lite.

PANEL EIGHT
Close up of half of Cat’s face.

CAT:
That’s nonsense. It’s not reincarnation. It’s better.

PANEL NINE
The tree watches on, disappointed.

DOG:
Did you really ask me what I believe about death and the afterlife just to tell me I’m wrong? Who does that?

CAT:
I’m trying to save your immortal gamer, you fool! Repent! Repent and you shall be allowed to cut in front of me in line to the Great Computer!

THE END.