Mutant Pizza

PANEL ONE
Glott and Terry sit under the tree.

GLOTT: TERRY, I’VE HAD A BURNING QUESTION ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE AND SINCE I’M TAKING A VACATION, I FINALLY HAVE THE PATIENCE TO ASK.
WHY HAVE YOU REJECTED THE TRADITIONAL GOBLIN WAYS AND SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE CORPORATE DEVIL?

TERRY: YOU MEAN, WHY DID I STOP PILLAGING WITH YOU AND GET A REAL JOB?

PANEL TWO
Closer on Terry, leaning against the tree and divulging a bit of his backstory.

GLOTT: I’M GOING TO IGNORE YOUR OFFENSIVE REMARK AND JUST RESPOND WITH “YES.”

TERRY: WELL, I NEVER REALLY LIKED DOING IT. TAKING FROM ALL THOSE INNOCENT PEOPLE…
I JUST FELT LIKE I HAD TO DUE TO THE PRESSURES OF GOBLIN SOCIETY, AND I HAD NO OTHER PROSPECTS. ONE DAY, I WOKE UP AND DECIDED I DIDN’T WANT THAT LIFE ANYMORE, SO I WENT BACK TO COLLEGE TO FINISH MY DEGREE AND GOT A JOB.

PANEL THREE
Glott waves his hands in the air like he just doesn’t seem to care.

GLOTT: BUT YOU’RE BASICALLY NOT A GOBLIN ANYMORE! YOU DON’T PILLAGE OR PLUNDER, I NEVER SEE YOU CAUSE GENERAL MAYHEM, HEAVEN FORBID YOU RAZE A SINGLE BUILDING–

PANEL FOUR
Very close on Terry. Very close.

TERRY: I JUST DON’T LIKE DOING THOSE THINGS, GLOTT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I TAKE OFFENSE TO? THE NOTION THAT I HAVE TO PILLAGE TO BE GOBLIN. I’M STILL GREEN, THROUGH AND THROUGH.

PANEL FIVE
Glott and Terry under the tree again.

GLOTT: COME TO THINK OF IT, MARKETING IS JUST A WEAKLING’S WAY OF PILLAGING.

TERRY: NO IT ISN’T. I COMMUNICATE THE VALUE OF A PRODUCT TO CONSUMERS.

GLOTT: YOU TRICK PEOPLE INTO BUYING THINGS AND TAKE ALL THEIR
MONEY. THAT’S BASICALLY PILLAGING FOR COWARDS.

TERRY: NO, NO, IT’S… OH MY GOBLIN GOD.

THE END.